UTDRFTIOUYTDRFGHJO/IUYFTDRFGH.ITDRFGHOIIUYFTDRFYGUIHDSDFRGYUHIOIUYDREFGUHHTYDRESFRGYHUIOP;IUYTRDERFGYHUIOUYTRDESDGRYUIOPIUYTRESAEDRTYUIOPIUYTRDTFYUIOPIUYTRESWDUIOPIUYTRESRTYUIO;PLKJHGREGTYUIOUYTREGSGRTYUIOUYTRDTYUIOUYTIUYFHTYUI;OIUYTDRE56784323ERTIORTDL;O9YIUYTRS9Y;OUIUYDTSDLT8YOIHUFIYO

FREAKING DAMN IT.

Please don’t feel obligated to read my rant secessions, haha. I probably won’t be thinking as I type. There will probably be a lot of them, too. Apologies in advanced.

Sincerely,

Broken Heart Cliche

It’s always a sad, unfortunate thing when a relationship ends. Such a cliche thing to blog about I suppose.

It’s funny, a single word. A single word of only two letters, caused my chest to cave in. I suddenly felt so close to the concrete of Kennedy’s drive way-but I was standing straight up. I became three times smaller in the world (which is pretty small considering my height already,). I became vulnerable to anyone and anything that was capable of being dangerous to me. My balance was lost. I squeezed my eyes shut to stop myself from making the typical “girl-with-her-heart-breaking-sob” thing. So instead of making a scene by going back into the house, I sat in my car. Sat in my car and cried a cry I don’t think I have ever cried before. I must have sounded absolutely ridiculous, but it was everything that hurt coming out in tears.  

Honestly, it was like a heart break and a back stab all in one. The knife in my back went too far in. It went through and got to the center of my heart-the center of my heart where I gave everything I possibly could. It was so painful, because I got the slightest bit of hope for when he called. I thought that after a year, he would have chosen me. After working so hard competing, it wasn’t good enough. Baseball won his heart, and I lost. 

But I had to do what was right for me. I worked so damn hard this year during school, I couldn’t throw it away by becoming upset because he was upset all summer. It hurt me to see him hurting. I wanted to help, but I felt like I was being pushed away. Point is, I tried. I really tried. It wasn’t good enough though. But I gave the ultimatum, and he chose what he wanted to do with his life. I can only respect that. I understand. 

It’s okay. It feels like absolute shit now, but I’ll become stronger. I know I will. 

Absolutely everything. I can’t wait to wake up Friday morning, knowing that the day is all mine. 

And you know what? I can’t deal with this. 

Fuckin whatever.

Fine. I can play that game, too.